We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you never un-have a 4some
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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