I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
