Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Pooping to opera.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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