I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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