I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just cropdusted the office
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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