I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
