i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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