Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
