I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
