yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
