My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
