You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
