i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
