Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
