i wish starbucks made bloody marys
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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