I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
