I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
