Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this just has baby written all over it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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