Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Boobs are out for the taking
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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