it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
