Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We need to get me chipped asap
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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