I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
