Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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