Having a random hookup so left but love u
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
