Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
