Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
