also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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