i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
