Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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