Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
