I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
