she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
