just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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