My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Say something about gay babies.
my shit smells like andre
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
