the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
