Did you just see the Batmobile???
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
