exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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