Got a toothbrush?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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