I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
