Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
