Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
