did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
