He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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