how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
