I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
