Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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