I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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