Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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