there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
