I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
