I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize