I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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