just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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