me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How does one acquire holy water?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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