guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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