I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
