I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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