thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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