There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish i was in the wii world.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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