If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
