I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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