All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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