At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
