No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
