i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
