Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
