xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
