can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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