I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
