Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize