I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
