Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
