I think I am morally bankrupt
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
