I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
