you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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