If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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