you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize