Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize