you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
