I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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