I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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