Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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