You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
