I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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