I'm going to jail i love you
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
