I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I need moral support for this bender
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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