I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize