Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's shark week go big or go home
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
