i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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