JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
