Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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