You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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