I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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