Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
